back in the thick of it

I woke up this morning and realized it was Tuesday, so I was due for some writing. This year, I am trying to be a little more conscientious of how I spend my time. For example, am I doing what I can to ensure that I am taking the time to hold up the commitments I have made? Am I holding on to frustration a bit too long? Am I purposefully seeking experiences that bring growth and joy? So today I woke up and knew that I had a commitment, and I had the time to devote to it... a frustrating realization. So I got up and got ready for work, all the while wondering what I could possibly write about.

Despite the water tank having broken 3 times now and the mold on the ceilings, this view will always be worth my cute, little home.

You see, I'm back. I'm back in the feeling that I want to be moving faster and making progress, but the cards I have been dealt just don't allow that to happen. I know that nothing good happens easily or quickly, but that daily reminder has started to sound like a broken record. Actually, it has been a little broken for quite some time. So when I got back from the US with this new energy, ready to take on another year, I got frustrated fast. Regardless, I got up this morning and walked to the office, wondering if the office would be open, and wondering even more if it even would.

I didn't take many pictures this week, but I did splurge (a lot) and buy a rug. To be fair though, I have been looking for a rug for four months now, and this is the first one I've found that wasn't multicolored with flowers.

I showed up. I showed up to an empty office. Instead, I walked on over to drink some coffee with my morning coffee crew in the library, and enjoyed some animated conversations about the market, vacation plans, and my own future plans. All of the sudden, one of those coffee crew members asked me a question, "Does your family in America know about your family here?" I paused and cocked my head a little bit to ponder what she meant by this. Had I misheard, misunderstood? Had she meant my host family or some other family I spend time with? I laughed and said, "Of course they know!", thinking this answer would hide the confusion and close the topic. Instead, she replied, "Well have they seen a picture of us?" It dawned on me that she meant this morning coffee crew.

Over the past several months there have been many moments like this one now that I think about it. Several weeks ago, I was sitting around a bit longer than I would normally wait for my office to be unlocked, and Xhuli offered me some bread and cheese. I've probably eaten several loaves of bread and pounds of cheese from various members of the coffee crew since I got here, but regardless, I always respond with a chuckle and a, "No, you don't need to feed me!" I am always given the food regardless, but on that specific occasion, Xhuli passed me some bread and said, "I want to, you're like my daughter." Just yesterday, I hadn't stopped in for coffee because my office was miraculously open when I arrived. As I left for the day, I met my crew out for some sunshine, and was told that they had missed me today, and not to forget to stop by tomorrow. So all those months of tagging along on short walks in the sunshine, sharing my own treats, and sitting chatting away for hours at a time led to that moment this morning. I pulled out my phone and took a picture of my family, the family that took me in like no other here in Corovoda. Then we all got up and danced, seriously, all the while talking about how we had so little time left together, they would have to come visit so we can dance some more.

Pictured: The cutest.

See that's the thing. Some days I wake up and wonder what I am even doing here. Is my presence making any difference at all? Other days, people remind me how little time I have left here, and start asking if there is any possibility that I could stay. So today, I'll let go of that frustration a bit quicker and relish in the comfort of the home and family that I have built here in Corovoda. Today, I'll write about the little things that bring me joy. Today, I'll go through the same song and dance I have been living for nearly 9 months now, but I'll do it knowing that my presence matters, if not to everyone, at least to my morning coffee crew family.