defense

One of the first conversations I had when I joined the rest of my A22 Peace Corps friends in Washington D.C. the night before we kissed American soil goodbye was about the reactions that we have received from friends and family about our decision to join the Peace Corps. The answer for me was simply that of course my family and friends were supportive of my decision. In general, I think we attract, or at least choose to surround ourselves with people like us. Those closest to me either share my passions or support me fully in pursuit of my own.

A real-time photo of me getting questioned about whether or not America would do "something dumb" like this (incredibly cool piece of history right behind me).

I know that I was and am incredibly lucky. I thought I would never have to defend my decisions. That I would never have to defend my views, my passions, my values.

I especially never expected to be questioned here, in Albania, while living out those passions and values every day.

Why are you here? A question I get asked nearly every day. People here love America. So much so that I often feel like people view America as this shining beacon across the sea that has the answers to all of life's problems. So much so that I often feel like I have become the great defender of Albania, always ready with a tried and tested elevator pitch for the ages.

The truth is that I love it here. I love it in America too.

Something I have noticed during my time here in Albania is a constant need to compare. There is always a sense of competition with even the littlest things. Which coffee shop has the best coffee? Who's byrek is better? Which town do you like better? Do you like living by yourself or with a family better? Then the big one, which is better, America or Albania?

I did this hike in heels, that's how much I love it here.

What kill's me though is that no one cares what my answer is, because it's not the answer they expect. The truth is that I love it here. I love it in America too. It's different.

The truth is that as soon as you lower America to something normal, something human, it somehow seems an impossibility for the people on the other side of these conversations. When for me, America has given me some real pain and heartache. Some days I'm disappointed, others I'm proud. So when people tell me that their seemingly unreachable goal is America because life will be better, I honestly often don't know what to say. I can't tell you that life in America is better, but I can't tell you that it's worse. It is different.

You know the saying, "the grass is always greener on the other side"? I just wish that I could convey the realness of this statement. Everywhere has problems, and everything comes at a cost.

I know you must be wondering if I did anything but visit these tunnels this week, and the answer is yes. I read some Harry Potter.

Sure, the average salary is higher in America, but the average time that Americans spend working is also much higher. So is stress, so is fast food consumption, so is the cost of being able to barely scrape by. That salary costs a lot. It costs relationships, it costs mental and physical health, it costs time. Time: the end all be all, the one and only thing we really have in this life, the one and only thing we really have to give.

Here, time is used differently. Work ends and people go home. People go home to be with family, to spend time with friends, to cook, to eat, to connect.

It really is a beautiful thing to be able to see how the value that people place on their time affects the world around them. I won't pretend to know the answer to the question of what is better, but I also refuse to pretend that there is an answer at all.

The answer is actually no, though.

What I struggle with is this fight I have every day, trying to convince people to see the beauty of the world around them. I've honestly never felt so disregarded in my life. I've never experienced people scoffing at my beliefs, or just flat out telling me that I am a liar. However I realize that perhaps I only notice it here. Perhaps people have been scoffing at me, with my head in the clouds, for all of my life without me noticing. Perhaps, and I know this to be true, but perhaps, I have just chosen the people who would never scoff to delve into these beliefs with. Perhaps, I have guarded myself without even knowing it.

Here though, I can't guard myself. If I guard myself, if I keep my boundless love for this place under wraps, if I don't shout the incredible opportunities here from the rooftops, I am doing a disservice to my community. Because one thing I know to be true is that everyone needs a backstage cheerleader. Everyone needs someone to believe in them.

... unless you count getting a marginally better photo by these tunnels.

I believe in the endless opportunities of this place and these people. I believe in Albania.